Listened to this song this morning while I was cleaning the house. Really opened my eyes to how parents are the main effect on how they end up. I have a big roll to play in my sons life, and big shoes to fill if I wanna be like my mom. She is the best in my eyes.
The person you used to be is always gonna ride with you through out everything. Its not just something you can wash away or throw in the trash and watch it ride away with the garbage truck to a far away place where all dirty secrets and dark pasts are hidden. People will always remember that person, always reflect back to it. Just like you do.
And the person I used to be, might be pretty on the outside, but on the inside… I was nothing but dark and empty. Searching for some kind of revelation to save me from the person I was. I used drugs as a crutch to “hold my sanity” and numb out all the pain. I stepped on the ones I loved. And even destroyed the one life that could’ve turned out to be someone beautiful.
But living in the past and filling yourself with regret will only push you further away from yours and everyone else on this planets goal in life. Keeping your head above water. The greatest life preserve you have is hope.
Hope for a better day. Hope for a better life.
But those things won’t just fall into your lap. You’ve gotta meet life half way.
Lost in this bottle. The whole world I see through this yellowish tented plastic. Coming to terms everyday that maybe I’m better than this, but I honestly don’t care. Feeling the rush of my blood pumping faster through my veins, and the rapid movement of my thoughts, figuring out things and finding answers before I can even ask the question. Invincible. Untouchable. Indestructible.
I am simply stitched in.
My seams ready to be broken, whenever my fear of commitment sinks in.
I never was the permanent type.
Always wanting to fill those empty spaces, and keep up with the hype.
I’ve done nothing but damage because of this never ending cycle.
Stepping on the ones that meant the most, and playing games with the maniacal.
Never seeming to feel remorse for the loss of my family or friends.
Always too busy basking in the glory of the accomplishment of the tasks at hand.
But don’t get me wrong, I am a human being.
I did always pay for my actions, and at times when looking in the mirror even hated the person I was seeing.
I live every moment of this impartial life jumping from moment to moment.
Praying that eventually one of the roads I travel down will lead me somewhere more long term.. More permanent.
I may seem like I’m trying to not be tied down to a normal life that everyone I’ve ever known has always had.
But when everything is said and done and I’m standing here all alone.. I’m the one that’s left with this empty feeling, and nothing but memories of everything I could’ve had.